lonewolverine

Here we are. All the deamons you thought you'd left behind. Back in the murky depths of the puberty swamp. Back when the world had horizons that stretched forever. Well guess what? Just because you built a wall doesn't mean the horizons aren't still there. Just because you forget to look at the sky doesn't mean you're not going to get caught in the rain.

My god I love the rain.

Let it fucking rain! 

Yeah. I'm going to abandon this journal. It has too many old entries that are embaressing to read because they're so TEENAGE ANGST and so DOOM AND GLOOM.

Plus, I ain't a LoneWolverine and never will be. A pack wolf, maybe, but we shall stick with the one I came in with: InterfaceLeader.

So. http://www.livejournal.com/users/interfaceleader/ is my new LJ.

Add me as a friend, please??

Well. Consider it my last summer holiday. Lazing in the gardens with cider, talking bull with friends, barbecues, mead feasts, and sleeping on floors. I've never had a summer like it, and doubt I will again. It's like a continuation of my time in the US, but with different people.

Love, peace, happiness and joy.

And we fly into the ether; spiralling, dancing, falling apart and falling together.
Onwards and upwards, though a step in the dance may take us back or spin us around.
And we fly past the stars, glittering against the shadowy hue of space.
Through the folds and ripples of the Universe.
Until we hit the final blaze of light, burning up in a storm of energy and mass.
And have ourselves flung out in a blast that lasts a thousand years.
Scattering the dust of bodies across the shadowy hue of space.
Where it glitters like a hundred thousand stars.

( And.... CUT! That's a wrap folks. )

SQUUUUEEEEE!

*throws confetti over everyone and runs around in circles*

(No. There is no reason. I'm just tired of the angst and gloom and introspection! Here's to jolly randomness!)

swimming in confusion... spider webs criss-crossing the walls, casting networks of shadows, great vast strands that cloak and swell and distort in front of my vision... air thick like syrup... like blood... sweating and sweltering and festering... dust choked silence, everything ground to a halt... the machine is frozen, dying, unable to speak, gasping for air... dried oil peels off its bulging side... and rust, brown and red, a metallic bruise... chipping and flaking away, one atom at a time... bonds failing and breaking loose... electrons flying... invisible particles of decay... entropy... we are destined for soup, the machine and I, a thin mix of random strings of energy... we are to be wedded, the machine and I... forever and for all time, our energy mingling... as my skin peels away, one invisible shred at a time, and my hair drops dying cells everywhere... as my energy runs out of me in semi-solid goop... it becomes free... freedom to fly... to fall... to blow in the wind... until it mingles with the energy of the machine in its dust shrouded, spider-webbed graveyard... and gives it life... life... feeding on the energy of the dying... and the dead... we are the dying and the dead... the machine and I...

... the internet.
....


......


EDIT:

And I wish I was back the USA.

I'm 21!

I'm legal in all countries!

I'm officially an adult!

My parents are spoiling me rotten. I guess this is what happens when you abandon people for six months - they get all happy to see you again! For my part, I've noticed a very definite more pro-active feel about the way I go about things. I'm much less okay with sitting around not doing much.

They've redone my room to an extent. It looks so pretty, and so much more 'me' now. It used to just be a spare room, narrow, and filled with other people's junk. Now it has curtains, and new cushions, and incense burners, and little decorative pots. Everything is yellow and red, and has a chinese feel to it.

There's a new couch, a new laundry basket, a new tree in the back yard, a strawberry bush and a new internet connection. My parents bought broadband! It's nice, means I don't get disconnected every two hours.

I miss everybody in Ohio already. They all went and drunk on a bottle of Tequila without me! And they're drinking coke and observing how it's the first time they've been able to drink soda without me ranting about how evil it is.

Well. Changes in myself since going-

I actually miss people, for starters. I've never really been that bothered about leaving people behind before. But, as we all know, Suzie made some deep connections this time round.

I'm way more pro-active/hyper. Running up and down stairs continously is totally not a problem. Sugar levels higher generally? Or just less lazy and expecting other people to do all the work for me?

Less materialistic. Good god, how much crap do I have, and why do I have it? Seriously, I have no use for 90% of my clothes, and they just take up space. Ditto with other things. There's entire boxes of my stuff in the attic, and I haven't missed them in six months...

Early morning wake-up calls. It's now impossible for me to sleep past about 10am without feeling like crap. Even if I've had NO sleep the night before.

A weird sense of disorientation when I have to sleep in a room by myself/do stuff without there being other people around.

A desire for more money, so I can blow it on expensive things like going out to eat, or plane/train tickets. (I want to see the country damnit! It's England! I ain't been here - I appreciate it more now! Plus I need to see all my friendly people here!)

Abuse of exclamation points. *makes note to stop using them so frequently*

More talkative. Most likely just because I have a crapload of anecdotes and stories to tell.

Quicker for me to get started on doing something. Less procrastination. This is a GOOD thing. Still need to conquer my addiction to the damn internet though. Even more so now, because I'm going to be sitting on here waiting for Ohio people to come online...

Well. And I'm eating a bacon sarnie. With real bacon. Real, delicious, juicy, Enlish bacon. On bread. Bread that hasn't been pumped full of sugar. And with Olivio butter, which lacks hydrogenated oils and trans-fat. It tastes so good. So gooooood.

The important thing for me right now is not to wallow in self-pity because I can't see Rach, Rob, James, Will, Jim etc etc. for a while. I should focus on getting a job, and sorting out my life. I need money, I need a job, I need to get some artwork underway and all the rest of it.

That was it.

Goodbye for six months.

Turned out it never needed to be said. Turned out it was all there anyway. Turned out I fell in love with all of them. Especially him. Turned out that everything worked out the way it was meant to work out. Turned out that I said goodbye for six months, and we hugged, and we toasted the future, and we went our seperate ways.

Until next time.

Until the future.

Goddamnit, this is the second time in two days I've missed a phone call from him.

Oh look. Someone attacked a city in a white, capitalist country so let's all make a giant fuss and send our sympathies and all the rest of it.

Let's forget about commenting on the rash of suicide and other bombings in Iraq, that kill civilians. Let's skip over the Uganda thing, where 60 people in a refugee camp got murdered. Let's forget the Phillipines, let's not worry about the two attacks in Russia that DIDN'T kill school children.

Yeah, it's different if you know someone there. But why are we only networked to people in white frikkin' countries? Why do we ignore 90% of the world, except to exploit them, blame them, or invade them?

God, I hate society.

Yes. If you lost someone or are worried about someone, I'm sorry for you. Death is a nasty thing. Violent death more so. But cars kill people more violently than this, and a lot more frequently.

Stop letting yourselves be manipulated by the damn government and press!

It's 11.32pm on Sunday. And we're leaving for Vegas. Spontaneus road trip sorta thing.

See ya!

Someone bought me a DeviantArt subscription account?

And I have no idea who!

Please tell me so I can thank you properly!!

Where is everyone? I get up at 7am, and nobody's online? You bunch of lazy poop-heads! I mean that's what, noon or something in Britain?

No comments on LJ, no new comments on blog, nothing interesting on the message boards... oh yeah, this is why getting online gets less and less interesting. I swear, if you're on the internet every day for hours, it's so fun and full of things to do. But if you get a life then suddenly nobody's interested anymore. Admittedly it's hard to write interesting and insightful posts when you're running around getting drunk and setting things on fire.

( By Bahamut! It's a ramble through the forests of Suzie's head! Does anything in here make sense? Are the tree's really growing upside down? Or is she just deluding herself? Click HERE for the answer! )